My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn’t go as planned, and it’s okay.
What do you mean it’s okay when it doesn’t go as planned? I read this quote and chuckle. When it doesn’t go as planned, my fear says–”What did I do wrong? Who screwed it up and didn’t follow MY rules? I am not safe.”–but because of my personal growth work, I can now experience a life beyond those fears.
My triggers of death, finances, perfection and abandonment will always be there to magnify my suffering, to make demands on my reality, but life is there humbly teaching me to let go, to make a different choice. My daily practice calls me to be present to the rush of these fears, reach to my action plan to come back to the present, take concrete action, and ask for the help of my spiritual guides.
This is an especially humbling lesson for me right now. In the past, I worked tirelessly and compulsively to arrange and control our social calendar, demanding and managing how things go, over investing in proving myself to others. But as I continue to live in reality, not in fear or control, the friends and acquaintances I held inappropriate boundaries with are slipping away. My fear asks what I did wrong, screams it wasn’t my plan–I called these people friends and they are leaving me. And yet, none of that is true. They are not leaving me, I am different. I don’t accommodate to their demands in the ways I had done. I don’t try to control them. I live without the gossip and the suffering. I stopped asking them to validate me. And with all that change, it simply doesn’t fit anymore. The new friendships that have slowly come in to fill the place are so incredibly rewarding, full of such freedom and joy, bringing a sense of who I am, who I can rest in being, that I would have never thought possible before! It didn’t go as planned and it IS okay! Imagine that.
How are you embracing a life that didn’t go as planned? How can Aubrey help guide you to acceptance and thoughtful change?