Sabotage. Undermine. Debilitate.
We’ve all done it to ourselves. Sold ourselves short. Failed to act on our true potential. In those moments when we are at our lowest, when we believe so little of ourselves, or even in the moments when we truly believe we are at our best, we can sabotage our own best efforts. The more mindful we are to the ways in which we undermine our ability to have the life we want, the more conscious our pursuits and our successes can become. So, for today, let us be thoughtful of the ways we often sabotage our own success and consider five ways we might be doing it:
1. We say we want it, but we really don’t.
Perhaps we are attempting to please a family member, fulfill the external requirements placed on us, to fit the social norm or the family value. If we strive for success and don’t achieve it, how will it affect our social status, our family reputation? Sometimes, it’s just easier to fail, to resign, to sabotage the success, than it is to have to continue doing something that is simply too much of a burden. The problem with this strategy is that it often creates more problems, and because the initial dispute is not addressed, it often grows larger, more powerful, and more ominous. Instead, let’s consider getting curious. How do I want this to play out? If other’s want this more than me, how can I help them achieve it independent of me? Am I living in my true value system?
2. We believe we will never get it.
These sabotaging methods stem from our core sense of self. The critical self is attempting to protect us from disappointment, from hurt. If we tell ourselves we don’t deserve it, that we’ll never get it, then we’ve just saved ourselves a whole lot of heartbreak and shame when it doesn’t go the way we had planned. The problem is that this really limits our ability to do anything, for we are limited to only those things we know we have 100% control over. Staying present to the moment, knowing our true worth, helps combat these self-limiting thought patterns. When we question if we deserve something, we are questioning our worth. Self worth, especially in regard to success, is irrelevant, for if an opportunity has presented itself in our lives, we are worthy, and we can do it.
3. We resent others for having it because we deserve it more.
Resentment. Having contempt for what others might have, further removes us from our own focus and success. Resentment draws in entitlement, the idea that to get something, you have to be deserving of it. While we would like to think the world could be that black and white, either you deserve it or you don’t, that’s the furthest from reality. Resentment removes us from our powerful center. If our focus is on what others have, we are not embracing what we do have. Who are we to say is more deserving? When we live in resentment, we are victims of our own paralyzing thoughts. It removes our power to do any better, our ability to work harder, or refine a strategy because the power is in deserving it, not our ability to work for it. Living through comparison is really not living.
4. We don’t do the work.
We all wish it were easy. The work. The commitment. That the success could be achieved, earned, known, in the timeline we want, the way we want it. But imagine, where would our meaningful and insightful experiences come from if it were that easy? Would we know success with the same depth of gratitude? Work is work. We have to be willing to do the work, and when we know what needs to be done, we need to be willing to do it. It’s just that simple. Setting clear goals, developing a strategy for success, and building a solid support system will make the journey through the work an easier and more pleasant one.
5. We don’t ask for help.
The truth, we don’t always have the answers. Sometimes we need help, to find our resources, to step out of our own, sometimes limited, perspective and see our options. When we need help, we need to ask for it. Being mindful to ask the right people, the ones that provide thoughtful, conscious, compassionate perspective; the ones that will help us become better versions of ourselves. How do we know it’s time for help? We’re stuck. We’re overwhelmed. We’re defeated. Sometimes it’s about shame, or pride, or finances, but help is there, you just have to be willing to ask for it and receive it.
Your life deserves more than sabotage. You are worthy of more than sabotage.
Begin building a healthy life path in this moment. And don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Contact Aubrey for your free 15-minute question session today.